Love Ties
by Kira Yokai
Summary: I know what I did was wrong, but I am drawn and I have to go. I have to have sex with him to feel like I haven't lost myself, that a piece of me still belongs to me.
1. Chapter 1

I have been married for two years. Two years...

I sat on the couch as I poured over a book I barrowed recently. Not bought, but barrowed because ever since my marriage I don't have my own money. I pour over this love story and it is ridiculous because this love I read of is so perfect. My husband laid next to me asleep and I rolled my eyes. Love, what the hell is it? It's this thing that people feel so they commit their life to that one person only. But do they really know that one person?

My phone vibrated next to me and I smiled its him. I can't sneak away though. I shook my head. You commit your life to that one person and for what? This? I ignored my phone as I went back to reading my book. I felt very insignificant and wished that something would give, but that's impossible right? I have to. This choice is mine.

I looked around at the dingy apartment. The walls are fucking disgusting and it smells of smoke. I smoke, but I have to. It's my sanity.

I closed the book laying it down on the table and not thinking twice as I went into our shared bedroom that can't seem to stay clean. Shedding off my jeans I put on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I know what I did was wrong, but I am drawn and I have to go. I have to have sex with him to feel like I haven't lost myself, that a piece of me still belongs to me.

Opening the door I walked out it. I know what I am doing is wrong, but ,is anything still mine anymore?


	2. Chapter Two

It's three in the damn morning. I paced. I walked up and down the living room. Fuck this. He does this every night. Every fucking night. He thinks I'm clueless as if I don't know what's going on. Like I haven't read his text messages or like I haven't watched him sneak across the street to go get fucked. Yeah so believe I pace, yeah I fucking pace. Every damn night I pace. I'm fed up is why. How? We made a promise.

I sat on the couch. I could easily cheat on his ass. It wouldn't be hard. I love him though. I don't know where it went wrong, but lately its bothered me how distant he is. I don't want distance. I want us to be closer. I want us to be as we had been.

I don't smoke that's Matt's thing not mine, but right then I felt as though it'd do me good. Instead I snapped off a piece of chocolate.  
>I thought for a moment. Getting up I walked into the kitchen. Opening the freezer I pulled out a fifth of vodka. Damn, Matt for doing this to me. I poured me a glass. Damn, him! Putting it to my lips I drink until the glass is empty. Damn, him! Damn, him! Damn, him!<p>

I held the bottle in my hand as I stumbled into the bedroom. I'm tired. I committed my life to Matt. I loved the little fucker so, why? My head was pounding and I was unsure of what to do. I laid somewhere warm until I heard beating on the apartment door.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself taking a huge gulp of what's left in the bottle and getting up to answer. I wasn't in the mood for this shit. Opening the door it was none other than Misa from across the hall. Swinging the door open I motioned her to come in.

"Mello!" She gushed trying to hug me, but tactfully I pushed her away from me. "Come! On!" She grunted trying to hug me until I finally gave up allowing her to. I let out a breath. Last fucking thing I wanted, a loud blonde fucker in my living room.

"Misa let go," I hurriedly slurred as I pulled away from her. She's short and very blonde. Tonight she is dressed especially slutty in a pair of black stockings and a short skirt that should be illegal in every country. Her red tank is made with black stripes, but I didn't give a damn what she was wearing. I wanted her out of my apartment.

So, I sat down as she pouted and sat beside me.

"What do you want?" I questioned not looking at her. I couldn't look at her. Looking at Misa is instigating her to think you're her best friend. We are not best friends.

" Well I was lonely. I thought that Matt was going to be here, but its just you." She stated. I looked up.

"What makes you think that when I'm at work you can chill with Matt?"

I guess I offended her because almost instantly she looked up at me a defensive look on her face that told me I mis-stepped. I rolled my eyes at her.

"It's not like that Mello. Matt and I are friends! I would never! I would never even think about-" She paused for a moment and I swallowed when she did nothing, but stared at me. I felt queasy as the alcohol began to get to me. My head began to spin and all I wanted was for her not to stare anymore.

"Stop, please." I spat the words out a whole lot more violently than I meant to. She smiled as she shook her head.

" I've never hung out with you before Mello, its always been Matt. I mean it makes sense since you're always working and..." Her voice trailed off as I just stared at her.

Misa wasn't a bad looking person annoying yes, oh god she is so fucking annoying. The air was thick and there was no explanation for why. Maybe because Matt wasn't here or maybe cause I was drunk, but it happened. The oath for that moment didn't matter, but it didn't seem to matter to Matt anymore either.

I kissed her. Leaning into her I kissed her. It was dumb, but at the time I didn't think. I didn't think when I ran my hand through her hair or pulled her mouth closer or slid my hand up her shirt. I didn't think I just did. I did...


	3. Chapter 3

It couldn't wait. It really couldn't wait. I wanted him. However, everytime Mello came to mind my heart sank. I've had this problem, but all I could do was remember what he had taken from me and I was back to the fucking.

Light was perfect. We had no feelings for each other. At least at first and now I wanted to believe that I could end this and tonight was the night.

"Matt," Light leaned into me kissing me as he held onto the back of my head. I moaned into his mouth begging him not to release me. My resolve melted away into that kiss. My heart sank as he pushed me onto his bed. Pulling back I felt heat rise and we were doing it all over again...

"Matt will I see you soon?" He looked at me from the driver seat his perfect features looking so perfect. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know," I swallowed. I could feel the burn in my eyes. What had I done. I loved Mello, but somehow I loved Light. Was it possible to love two people at once? I hope not.

"I get it. I'll see you."

Opening the door I got out shutting it behind me. I was exhausted and now I'd get to deal with Mello last thing I wanted to do was deal with Mello. Mello's vindictive and controlling its as if I can't go to the bathroom without telling him when I'll be back.

I took in a breath as I walked to the apartment complex and up the stairs. As soon as I got to the door that had no apartment number but a tacky smiley face on it I prepared myself. Walking in the door I felt my face get hot as I began to think about what I was doing here.

Could I stay here? What if I did love them both what was I supposed to do? I surely couldn't stay with Mello and keep cheating on him. After all he's been so faithful to me, but those parts, those parts he stole from me. No. I couldn't.

My mind was fuzzy and all I could feel was the distant remains of pleasure. I laid splayed out on our bed as Misa put her clothes on. My head was pounding and now all I could think about was Matt.

"Oh god Mello!"

"Hm?" I groaned trying to sit up. It was a chore and when I did Misa was already out of the room conversing with someone outside the room. I listened closely. Fuck, Matt.

"Misa?" I looked at the disheveled blonde and notice she seemed very worried. "Why are you here? Where's Mello." My mind raced with thoughts. Bad thoughts, of Misa and Mello...doing things. I shook my head. Why?

"Well um...he's drunk and I came here looking for you and found him. He's funny when he's drunk. Anyway you should check on him. I tried to help him go to sleep and he wont listen,"

I eyed her as she spoke. She didn't seem to be lying. You could tell with Misa she's a horrible liar.

"Okay, he didn't...try anything did he?"

She waved me off as she laughed. "No not at all. He was a little noisy though, but I just wanted to keep him company while you were gone. Well I'm going to go to bed okay. I'll see you tomorrow, hopefully?" I nodded as she left and walked into our bedroom.

Turning on the light I found a naked Mello laying on the bed with an erection. I swallowed. Did I love Mello? Or was it the sex? I sat next to him. Instantly he opened his eyes.

"Matty," he slurred, "Have fun? Not like I woke up looking for you." He automatically sat up, leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up. I cringed. Wiping his mouth he smiled a sloppy smile. "I had fun you know."

"Did you?" I asked feeling my face heat up. He was still beautiful even though he was throwing up and drunk. I felt guilty as he leaned into me. His blue eyes glassy as he grabbed my chin roughly pulling it in his direction. I swallowed.

"So, you little shit. Tell me," pressing his mouth to mine he kissed me deeply. I leaned into it kissing him back passionately. I wrapped my arms around him as I pushed him back. He ran his hands to my pants jerking them down with my boxers before pulling my shirt above my head. I helped sliding out of my clothes as best as I could. I loved him. I knew I loved him. Pulling back he looked my body up and down meticulously. "Did you get fucked or do the fucking?" He questioned smiling.

My heart beat spiked. He knew? Or was he just drunk on some dumb assumption? I swallowed as I panicked. He fucking knew.

He pushed against my chest that cocky smile still on his face.

"Well did you?" He asked a second time.

"Mello, don't you-"

"Do you just want sex? Is that it?" His hands slid across the expanse of my chest his head closer to my body that he nipped at my skin skillfully. "Cause I can give you sex," he hissed in my ear seductively. I shuddered. Shoving me off himself he got up in all his naked glory and stared dead at me. He was pissed.

"Mello please," I followed him into the bathroom. He ran a hand through his hair as he turned the shower on. Turning we were face to face and for the first time I saw no love in his eyes.

"No Matt. Im gonna wash that nasty blonde off me and after that I'm going to leave. Just so, you know I always knew." Slamming the door in my face I felt my stomach drop. What had I done and more so what had he done?


	4. Chapter 4

I was sitting on the bed as Mello came out of the shower he was drying his hair off as he jerked up a pair of black boxers. He still looked stunning. He looked at me for a second and quickly turned his attention away as he threw on his vest and slipped into his leather pants his long pale fingers expertly tying the strings at his crotch.

"Mello, please can we talk about this?" Nothing. Mello continued to throw things in a duffle bag as he ignored my existence. I let out a breath as I tried to forget about the distance that had been created between us. I hated it. It wasn't long till he was on the phone and shortly after that leaving the apartment not having said a word to me. I could tell he was mad and maybe a bit drunk, but it hurt. Something inside me screamed. I wallowed in it.

I slept uneasily with the thought it'd be better the next day. It wasn't. Nothing about this was better. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. He's fucked Misa and speaking of which I hadn't seen her since then. She hadn't even texted. I let out a breath. Light, why'd I have to meet him? At the time it'd been harmless, but...

My phone vibrated the screen lighting up letting me know I'd received a text message. It was Light. For a moment, only for a moment I didn't want to pick up the phone. I just wanted to call Mello, but I knew I couldn't. So, picking up my phone I did the one thing I shouldn't have.

Matt left without a million thoughts in his head. I knew he had been thinking of ending it, but I couldn't. So I was glad that he called when I had texted him, agreeing to stay with me for a few days. I smiled. I knew he loved me and that it was more than just the sex. The sex was good, but he loved me and all I had to do was get him to realize it.

He showed up an hour later. He had a horrible look on his face which only fueled me. I had to have him. Matt had changed everything and he wasn't aloud to just leave me after that. Smiling I sat with him on the couch.

"So, Mello found out?" I questioned staring at the floor.

"Yeah, he hasn't said a word. I really don't know what to do. Me and Mello are so distant." Matt seemed nervous as he spoke I tried not to interrupt so I simply listened. "He doesn't understand so, he thinks it was okay to have sex with our neighbor."

"Look Matt you dont need him. If he is really like this-don't you think you deserve better? Stay with me. I don't want you to stay with someone who makes you feel like this when I know I won't ever make you feel this way."

Matt looked unsure, but I gleamed couldn't help, but gleam when he nodded his red hair falling in his face the way it does. I smiled leaning into him and kissing him. Slowly I pushed him down on the couch and kissed him more passionately than I ever had. I loved him and I'd make him love me too.

It'd been four days since I left Matt. I loved that dumbass no matter how many "dumbass" decisions he made. I wanted us to be okay. Just did he want us to be okay too. Matt wasn't easy like that though, but neither was I.

Entering our apartment I went inside. Usually Matt would've been sitting in the floor playing video games like a girl, but this time he wasn't. Shutting the door I pitched my duffle bag in the floor and walked to the bedroom, nothing. Going through the drawers I found none of his clothes. Dammit! Matt had left and I knew where. Light's no doubt. Sitting on the bed I pulled my phone out of my jacket pocket checking it. No messages. I called only to get forwarded. Fuck! I shook my head. There's only one person who had to know about all this. Misa. Running across the hall I banged on her door, a half dressed Misa answering pulling me into her apartment.

"I knew that you'd come back!" She gushed kicking the door closed. Leaning into me she tried to kiss me my hand automatically slapping her. Stepping back she looked perplexed. "What was that for?!"

"You're a slut. Aren't you and Matt like best friends or something?" I asked walking into her kitchen. Opening her fridge I got myself a beer. Popping the cap I took a drink. She just stared.

"Yes, but that kind of ended when you made love to-"

"Hell no! I was drunk one and two I don't like you or your filthy kind." I took another drink as I leaned against the counter top.

"Then why are you here?"

I smiled at her. "Where does Matt's fuck buddy live?" I eyed her as she smiled evilly. I hated that blonde headed whore.

"I don't give things for free Mello."

"What do you mean?" The blonde looked at me with that same smile. I wanted to throw up.

"Offer me something worth having and make it good."

I clinched my teeth. She had to be kidding.

"Your life, is that worth keeping." I stared as she walked around me like a cat eyeing a mouse. I swallowed I knew what was coming.

"Mello you're just full of good jokes, but what is life if I can't have sex with you at least one more time?" Taking my beer from me she set it on the counter. "If you want Matt you'll have sex with me because his 'friend' Light is not an easy man to find." Grabbing my hand I followed her to her room knowing I was outmatched. I had to. I wanted to find him. I couldn't wait, it had to be now. So, yeah I followed her into her room where she eyed me like candy and took off her clothes and then mine. Yes, I did this. Every second mattered and in my head this was the quickest way. Wrong yes, but I was pretty sure he had already fucked Light again so he was wrong too.

"Kiss me." She demanded. I rolled my eyes grabbing her shoulders pulling her body towards mine. Cupping her face I pressed my lips to hers my eyes open, but my body still said no. I wanted Matt. I wanted him and only him...

"Act like your interested or no deal." Misa stated pulling back. I took a breath and kissed her again pretending it was Matt. Kissing her I backed her up into a wall running my hand through her hair which was too long to be Matt's. focusing I grinded against a front that would have been bulging by now, but wasn't because Misa is a female. So, I touched myself to the thought of Matt's moans and his whimpering I felt my heart quicken so I pulled her leg up and began grinding harder against her. She let out whimpers and cries before finally I entered her and let my imagination take over.

It wasn't the same. She wasn't Matt. Not even close. Matt, he was Matt. When we finished I threw my clothes on and stared as she sat on her bed. This was the moment I was waiting for.

"Tell me. You promised." I crossed my arms.

"I don't have the address all I have is the number. Sorry, but I knew if I told you you'd never have sex with me."

I felt myself become angry, shaking my head I hit her wall on my way out of her apartment. As I came back to the apartment I sat and began to think. Misa had texted me the number, but I wasn't sure if I should call it. I called it anyway. This was important. Every moment mattered.

Matt looked perfect tonight. So perfect. I smiled at him from across the table. I loved him so much. No one could take him from me no matter how hard they tried.

"Light I hear your phone, I hear it ringing."

Looking down I saw my phone was vibrating. I'd never seen the number before. Clearing my throat I smiled as I excused myself. Walking outside the restaurant I answered.

"Hello?"

"Is this the man whose been sleeping with my husband?"

Smiling I answered, "Of course, Mello. I've heard so much about you. How are you?"

"I'm just great. Where the fucks Matt?"

"Well your husband and I are eating dinner. Would you like to speak to him?"

"Put him on the phone."

"As you wish." He had made it too easy by calling. It wouldn't take long before Matt was mine. Smiling I pretended I was speaking to Matt before I replied. "Matt told me he doesn't want to speak with you. Ever."

"Bullshit! Matt! Can you hear me! Matt-"

"I'm sorry. He really doesn't want to speak to you, but how about you meet me in two days at the club across town and we'll talk. What do you say?" He'd take the bait and for what? No one...

"Fine. If I go agree that I see Matt as well."

"Alright then. I'll see you at nine. Then."

...can have Matt. Hanging up I breathed deep. No one can have him no one! I had to get a hold of myself because I'd be damned if that Barbie doll stole Matt from me. So, walking back inside I sat down giving a soft smile to Matt.

"Everything okay Light?"

Nodding I smiled, "Everything's perfect Matty."


	5. Chapter 5

It'd only been about a day since I spoke to Light. I Didn't care, no absolutely hated the guy. I wish I had never even heard of him. However, could it really had been that Matt had said he didn't want to talk to me ever? Did Matt truly not love me anymore? Well the only way to find out was by meeting Light tomorrow at nine. I'd do it, only for Matt's sake.

So, walking to our bedroom I stripped off my clothes and climbed into bed. Tomorrow was the day I had been waiting for, I'd know everything. So going to sleep all I could think about was Matt and what'd I could say to bring him back.

Later on the next day it had felt as though the time would never come, but when it did I wasted no time getting myself dressed. I loved Matt and I'd be damned if I didn't go.

When I showed up it was loud and noisy. My eyes looking everywhere for a person that I had no idea what he looked like. I figured I would be able to pick him out regardless. My eyes wouldn't stop searching no matter how pointless it was. I breathed in deep as I ordered a drink and that's when it happened; a dark haired man with strange eyes and medium length hair approached me. I looked at him for a moment wanting nothing more than to wipe that smile that seemed to say too much, off his face.

"Hello Mello, my name is Mikami. Light unfortunately couldn't make it so, I'm here to inform you instead." He sat down beside me as I clinched my teeth. I should've known. Light was more calculating than I gave him credit for. Standing up I stared down at him.

"This wasn't the deal. I'm leav-"

"Light Yagami's a bastard," immediately I stopped at the statement, raising an eyebrow at the honesty and how blunt he had been. Weren't this man and Light like friends? Partners in fucking crime? "I know what you're probably thinking-"

"No you don't have the slightest clue as to what I am thinking. Don't sit here and act like we're friends. Because we are not. You're here to do Light's dirty work right?"

The man named Mikami grabbed my arm at that moment and pulled me down. Staring at him I tried to figure out what was going on and then it happened.

Light had taken us to this club that was across town. He said he wanted to take my mind off things, but honestly nothing could take my mind off Mello. No matter what Mello did he was perfect. Maybe the love I had for him had been lust or adoration I don't know, but these feelings weren't going anywhere no matter how hard I tried, they were there.

"Light I don't think this a good idea." I looked around as we entered. Too many damn people. I tried hard not to pay attention to them, but as we approached the bar I stop dead. Mello was here. Turning to Light I shook my head. No, no, no, this wasn't happening. No...

"What is it Matty?" He asked touching my shoulder gently. I nodded my head in the blonde's direction who at the moment was kissing a tall dark haired man. Light looked in his direction almost immediately grabbing my arm and directing me around a corner near some bathrooms. What in the hell had been going on? Why had Light brought me here in the first place?

Jerking my arm away My eyes caught Light's and for just a moment I almost walked away and went running to Mello's arms that at the time were on the guy's shoulders. I shook my head as the thought went to the back of my mind.

"Matt is that Mello?" Light stood next to me as I watched my husband and that man. The man touched the side of Mello's face before saying something that hadn't even changed the look on Mello's face. I couldn't take it; another man's hands all over Mello.

"Doesn't seem like he really wants you back if you ask me. Perhaps you shouldn't even talk to him anymore if this is how he acts. Look he seems to be enjoying himself,"

I studied Mello and that's when something looked off. Enjoying himself? He didn't at all seem to be enjoying himself. He looked agitated and to prove it all Mello stood up in what looked like an attempt to walk away, but the dark haired man had stood up and kept pulling on him. I didn't care for it. So I made a decision, I would give my husband the benefit of the doubt and end this.

Walking in his direction I could hear Light at my heels as I approached Mello who stopped and as he always did smirked. That dumb little smirk stayed glued to his face as he looked me up and down. It'd been a little over a week since we saw each other. He still looked stunning. I could feel all my feelings rushing up to my stomach, it made me feel sick.

"Matt?" He looked and I saw it in his eyes that everything Light had tried to sell about him not being in love with me anymore wasn't even close to true. I smirked. Matt was mine and mine alone. "Come home please."

"Mello," Matt swallowed. His eyes became glassy and I knew he was fighting it. Everything he wanted; I knew what he wanted he wouldn't have walked over here if he hadn't wanted to come home.

"Your honestly going to go back to him after everything he's done even after you saw him with him," I rolled my eyes at Light. The little fucker just didn't know when to stop. Manipulating bastard.

"So is this what you've been doing? Filling his head with shit? While telling me he doesn't give a damn about me and sending men to try and seduce me. You're nothing, but crazy. I'm taking Matt with me whether you like it or not and I can almost guarantee he doesn't have a problem with that."

That night Light simply looked defeated and Matt looked relieved. I was alright with that. Matt and I were meant for each other and when I grabbed his hand I was proud he took it instead of dropping it and that we were able to fix this...he left for me, for me because that's what love is.

Mello was so commanding. Light looked to me and I shook my head.

"No Light, please just stop." Grabbing a hold of Mello's hand I walked out with him. This was true love. I knew it was a mistake. Light was one huge mistake and I had been dumb enough to make it, but the cost was too high. I paid too much, something I couldn't afford to begin with...

I just wanted to go home so, when I took Mello's hand I left everything that had happened behind in that club. The drive home was silent and words were not said. I don't think Mello had even given me one look, but the silence and the not looking wasn't hostile. It wasn't as if he had been mad at me then.

As we approached the apartment I turned to Mello and broke the silence,

"Mello I'm so-" immediately he had leaned in and pressed his lips to mine gently. Pulling back he smiled.

"I don't want to hear your sorry I want to see it." Smirking he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the apartment shutting the door quietly behind us. Stripping off his vest he wagged his long pale finger at me as he backed into our bedroom. My heart sped up and my face became hot with embarrassment.

Slowly I followed him into the bedroom where he was on top of the bed in nothing, but his leather pants. He sat legs apart on both knees with a seductive look on his face. I could help it I had to. Pulling my stripes over my head I climbed on the bed and gently pushed him back straddling his hips. My deft fingers slid down the expanse of his hips, fingers hooking on the hem and trying to pull leather down without luck.

Throwing his head back from watching my attempts Mello laughed. I was confused. This wasn't a laughing matter I was hard and I wanted sex no later just sooner.

"You're hilarious. You thought I meant sex. I meant show me you're sorry by never disappointing me again. Understood?"

No doubt my face was very red. I nodded my head rolling off my blonde haired lover and at that moment I felt myself relax. Looking over at the blonde I smiled. This was where I wanted to be. Those pieces Mello had taken from me he'd taken them for a reason...


End file.
